tariqah

Me: God why did u give me so many mental illnesses

God: Why did u make your SIMS character burn down his house

hallucin8

Dirty talk but you both use your customer service voice

lo-kaia

Thanks I hate it

fifty-shadesofgay

partner: *cums*

me: great! will you be needing anything else today?

sadeon

if your girlfriend is cold, be a gentleman. put her in the oven for 40 minutes on 350. check often and serve plain or with white gravy

infpisme

You have to protect yourself from sadness. Sadness is very close to hate. Let me tell you this. This is the thing I learned. If you take in someone else’s poison – thinking you can cure them by sharing it – you will instead store it within you.

Michael Ondaatje, The English Patient

thebootydiaries

you (has waffles for breakfast, goes to parties, been to ikea): do u listen to drake

me (eats the bark of the rare almond tree for its classy unique taste, spends friday nights studying gregorian chants, refers to my classmates as “brethren” out of respect): whom?

sittininthewoods

u sound like a virgin

thebootydiaries

u better take that back…….hooo boy im getting heated……freaking take it back…im seriou,s dude….ooh hoooo i swear take that back…….